The Choice is Yours

One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.

Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.

One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.

Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.

Intoxicated World against The Heart Chakra

Last week, I came across a life changing message bombarded from everywhere, the heart chakra. From people telling me to listen to my heart to being given a tarot card from the most random person about the heart chakra to being told that gratitude’s wonderful return to the heart, and of course the question that is, ” What are you going to do on Valentine’s Day?”. You know forgive and love everyone type of talks were everywhere I unintentionally had been to.

To take away from it all I went to see a movie alone on Feb 8th, Friday. The plan was that it was going to be a scary movie where I would not have to hear the same conversation topic that was popular to bring up when with me, heart and chakras. As I was watching the movie, a friend showed up with some extra buttered popcorn so that I knew that I was loved. Oh, and the movie was okay yet to your surprise, it was about the love of this psychopath’s love for women’s hands. Yes, guess which movie. Love is in the air.-

They say, “Home is where your heart is.” Well… As a first glimpse of it all, I took the hardest way out to challenge myself. First step was to watch videos of course, then I moved on to talking to people who are more knowledgeable than me in this area- chakras, heart, loving, receiving, giving, spreading the love etc. I believe my heart is different than theirs, or as they told me,” there is no open doors left.” Luckily though, I could open the doors wide or cracked, if I chose to. Being the person that I am, I thought why not let all the keys of my heart loosen up a bit so some breeze of love might come right at it to knock, or simply just walk in. Just FYI, this is not a romantic love but as they point out,”the love of all. One love.”

Things took a quick left turn since I had decided to do everything to open my heart or call it the heart chakra. I lost one of the most valuable things to me in this life, our necklace that we inherit from one generation to another. Then, while trying to show love and gratitude to other people, I bought food for the people around me to make their days, they were all on a diet. I could hear myself talk not just to talk, but give motivation and inspiration to the ones around me. I tried to inspire, people kept repeating, ” I know.”

Then all of a sudden, a light bulb appeared on my head- not heart. In order to show love, I thought, what can possible be better than fresh smells of flowers, in which thought my actions followed. I made a big purchase to pamper someone I truly adore. I ordered a big bouquet of flower and shared a quote from that person’s favorite author. Epic another failure.

The company was a fraud. Flowers and the quote have never been delivered to this very day. Worse is, she really needed them while crying her heart out alone at home. I really just wanted her to be happy, feel the love around and receive yet more than that took place. Now my money is gone out the window, the customer service representatives are making me lose my mind, that person lost on being a little happier with the surprise of flowers, and as I am typing this with my heater in my place not working for the first time in a weather like this- a New York kind. Maybe if I look at my heater long enough, it would possibly work? Maybe if I open my heart chakra wide enough, the flowers would be delivered. Better yet, why am I trying so hard to make it all right? Is this something my heart wants me to do? I don’t feel so.

I do not personally understand why opening a heart chakra would make a person this miserable. Can it be that my heart is a dark and humid place where there can only be monsters and ghost stories take place? Could it be maybe that it is so used to my worst choices of not showing love and care that as soon as it’s opened, it has gained its power to its hysterical form from a pretentious high amount of sadness? Or, another theory would be that even though I work on my heart chakra, other people are not. The evil hearts are eating my little one? Because as they say, ” Big fish eats the small ones.”

I mean how much gratitude can our hearts handle if it all comes back to it in a form of rotten, broken or not delivered flowers or a lost very valuable jewelry? Are we really giving or giving up on love?

Snowboard to Surf? No. Those are just tools to get to your location, freedom.


Have you ever tried surfing? I have not. Sometimes, I think about how it must feel like. Water, salt, sand all over you but you are only focused on being in balance physically on your surfboard. On the other hand, it must taste, feel, smell like freedom to stand on that same surfboard to oversee the sea, sand and the passing people when surfing. Do you ever want to try it? I’d like to.

Is it not a similar feeling to be alive in times like these. There are people who believe to share their lights with others, some steal the lights, some take it and run away, some cannot see it, and some share too much light they end up torn. Balance, I guess is the key, just like surfing. You can only see what is around you once you are on your surfboard to go against the waves, when you are balanced finally.

The realization here however, is not to surf but to “surf”. Surely, it is not something that will just happen to me or you instantly while sleeping in the sound of these strong winds of the East Coast. In fact, it will sure not happen to me when I sleep in my warm bed when the weather in New York drops to 9 degrees. Surfers have red face because of the sun, in New York our faces get red because we almost freeze. It is hard to learn surfing here while almost everyone is feeling “under the weather”. Where did I put my flip flops? I meant my snow boots.

So how can a person take up surfing when they in reality cannot? Easy to answer, hard to digest. They cannot. On the contrary, it does not have to be that way. Take the sand, the sea, the surfboard out of the picture and replace them with snow, snowboard, and the moonlight. There you have a new, awesome sport where you can feel free again. What I mean, metaphorically at least trying to say here is that if, in New York we do not have the privilege to surf, we have alternatives. We can, no matter how still reach to the same stars under the same moon light to smell the liberty of the soul, freedom. As long as we know how to flow we sure will go skiing in a place called, upstate? ~Location is not that important here, so do not pay too much attention to it.~

Life gives you this, give life that. Life gets tough we know. We are always facing decisions. Decisions can be made on paper. Decisions can be made in one’s head. Decisions take place here, then there. Decisions. Decisions. More decisions. It sure gets heavy on us. Decisions everywhere we look. Your phone, his laptop, her outfit, his decisions, their attitude, salary, new opportunities, possibilities, responsibilities. Goddamn these decisions. Where did the light go? This onion is a strong one here. Cut the onion and now, touch your eyes. It was a decision of mine that I wanted to share. Onions and paprika can be killers. Try jalapeno, maybe?

All we have to do is to make small or big, sometimes no decisions. How to make decisions? First, know that you are about to make a decision to surf or snowboard. Secondly, you will face the challenges of the weather, crowd, waves, maybe at times snow angels, but decide from the beginning that you are doing all that to get the taste of freedom. You can’t? Then, try biking. Decide what you want at the end, not how your process will be. After all, all surfers take showers to get rid off the sand, snowboards spread snow on other people and bikers get stuck in traffic. It is all good. Go with the flow to feel the breeze of that free, salty, sweet self of you.

Snowboarding? I have never tried it before. Just joking.