One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.
Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.
One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.
Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.