Don’t Break Your Cycle

I wish I could tell everyone why I was so hesitant to go. Leaving everything behind was not the problem as it never has been, but leaving my compassionate self really hit me in the core. You can leave places, people or even memories behind in time but it is always harder to leave all those thought patterns you, yourself have created all this time!

Some time in the past some really traumatic incident happens to you; breaks your being into millions of little pieces that seems like it will never be the same again. Therefore, in order to change that mentality you challenge your mind and body. Little talks are fine, but those big conversations with yourself gets tougher each time. Daily walks are helpful but when you sit on that couch, everything sinking in is what makes it challenging. You think all these things had happened to you for a reason but there sure is a way out. Plans over plans become your best friends. Instead of your future, you try to focus on your only valuable asset at hands, now. You try to get over the past by living in the now to live your future in a lot more peaceful way. When you get up, take a nice warm shower to relax yourself you keep thinking on the hows, then “why me?”s, jumping on to your own self desired conclusions. No solid answers leave no solid solutions on the mirrors that are now blurry with the heat of the water.

Stepping out of the shower has maybe never been that upset before when you think about your next move. You rarely not do anything but this time is different. This time you want to make your move, any move would be fine , yet you feel tired as never before hence sleep. Sleeping is a getaway yet it is a perfect solution at the same time to run way from the now that you were once determined to live in . Ups give their ways to the downs to then the darkness caresses all over both. You tugged in in bed turn to the left to the right pondering on the same move that you have promised yourself to make years ago. Maybe, it was your childhood but your therapist does not think so. Your childhood was not so bad comparing to some psychopaths. This world is full of them where they are mentioned in every movie, tv serious and shows but you are just a normal human being who is just maybe not feeing belong. Maybe you don’t belong to this world that is filled with all psychopaths and narcissists. Your therapist is right. These kind of thought can drive a person crazy, further locked up in a place in the middle if nowhere. In any case, you look for the keys to open that door that is shining right in front of your eyes, waiting to be opened by you. You just happened to be lost in the middle of it all to think clearly about bringing your key with you. Even the light that is sneaking in the room from the sides of the door in front of you does not make you move in anyway. The empty looks in your eyes look back at you, the door gets lost in no time. Great! Because now your last chance of opening this door to yiur next move is lost, too.

You open your eyes from your deep dreaming state, turn on your laptop to look for jobs, any job would do fine even though you think you were made to shine with a talent of yours. Considering how unreal this thought is, you throw it in the back rooms of your mind to never to think about it again, ever. Grab a pen, write a goal. Laugh at your own joke, toss it out. Make some tea, check the time. Time you have wasted is tossed out in the garbage, too.

Apply for that cashier job as you did before. At the end of it all, you aways get these type of jobs. Fail to break a cycle, you end up nowhere. Think positive, see positive, but don’t break that cycle that you have created for yourself in the first place.

This is inspired by my friend’s story. Thank you for reading. ✨🧚🏻

This Christmas You Stole My Package, but the very Next Day You Gave It to Someone else

Brooklyn Bridge <3
I took this pic a long long time ago.

Christmas is a time for family gatherings. It is all about giving and receiving right? It is a time to cherish the loved ones as well as an excellent excuse to remember the religious backgrounds of it. Lastly, it is a time for online shoppers to use their credit cards or debits to go beyond their highest credit lines to the lowest balance possible. At the end of it all, we are all trying to give back.

So far so good. Let me take a deep breath and keep my calm… I wish it was all that sunshine and rainbow sandwiches. Jesus would have been disappointed in humanity. There is a song by WHAM we are all familiar with. It goes ” Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the next day you gave it away. “ This song is from the 80s for sure. Moreover, it was written to a loved one who cheated I believe but check it for yourself to make sure. Now after decades, I’d like to dedicate this song to the people who are encouraged enough to steal other people’s packages to give them away the next day.

It is a new age in which everyone works their a.. off to make money so that they can shop online. Be honest. Mostly, money is made this way or another and goes out the window to online shopping due to lack of time for shopping, especially in November and December. Tell me who has the time to go shopping when you have got to work. Occasional shoppers are an exception to this of course. I talked to some parents who are glad to be able to shop for their kids online since it was always hard for them to waltz around the kids sections for hours. (The expression “waltz” was taken from Gilmore Girls.)  

Now that the parents are happy, kids are happier, adults are grateful, companies are on their best profit margins on e-commerce, Christmas being around the corner, something very infuriating had to have taken a place to balance out all of course. Not everything can go right all at the same time. We owe this to our heedless package thieves. Those package thieves had to do this to people to ruin their Christmas plans. Hey, at the end of the day we might have gotten upset if everything went right, right? Standing ovation!

I have gotten very irritated by this event when it had happened to me. Moreover, I requested to check the cameras that these package thieves had had the nerves to break. How thoughtful of them to take cautions! Now, thankfully our package thieves started stealing early this Christmas, which gave us enough time to just go to stores and buy presents for our loved ones. I have stopped using my Amazon Prime due to their “thoughtful” actions for the longest time in 3 years. By the way, I keep seeing how they are very obnoxious of the packages that come from Sephora. They might not like all that make up and glitter. I am sure they were glad to see my package with shower curtains, shower head, and door knobs- don’t ask why. Eventually, they could build a house if everyone ordered things as such. How merciless of ladies to order make up for our package thieves. Now what are they going to steal? Awww poor things….


To be honest with you, when I heard that they stole this old lady’s medical stuff from her doorsteps I got so mad that I rushed to our building’s department for complaints. They said they could not do anything since the cameras were down. After a little argument with them, I came home to cry my heart out for the humanity. It was just very overwhelming to see how on one hand, I could not even touch someone else’s package to check the name on it and on the other hand people owned someone else’s things. I have accepted the fact that we work for big corporations long long time ago, but no one can tell me to accept that I work for thieves. What happened to each on his own? What happened to our morals? Virtue? Anyone? Bells? Lighbulb? Anything?

Extra: There is a new invention that is a trap for package thieves. It is not security cameras, but glitters. Read more about it here. This guy made my day. https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/18/porch-pirates-stole-package-an-engineer-so-he-created-trap-using-glitter-fart-spray/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.b85f92d3e432 

To conclude, I am sure we will eventually find other ways to deal with this problem; Let it be with glitters, technology or maybe education. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Hopefully, next year around this time I will have been making fun of this all. A little enthusiasm never hurt anyone. Fingers crossed, X-mas lights on, tree looking great, cookies are made on the table, waiting for Santa to steal them, too. 🙂