The Choice is Yours

One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.

Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.

One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.

Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.

Camel

Camel: Camel is an animal that seems like a very basic mammal with four legs, two eyes, big lips, and humped backs. When you look at a camel it is inevitable to look away. You want to examine this creature to understand what he is carrying on his back. Are those all necessary? It is not easy to escape your brain powers to relate to this animal to your own human self, at least not at a physical level. How about if we use camel humps as a metaphor of our past relationships, happy memories, mistakes, childhood, regrets, well-made decisions?

Let me explain.

Camels depending on their types have one or two humps on their backs. No matter how many humps they own on their backs, a camel carries its humps everywhere. Camels walk around with their humps on their backs.The humps store food and fat in them, meaning they carry their energy on their backs. Food and fat become energy in the future and present. If a camel forgets to store food and fat-which I am sure is not a common thing along camels due to their survival mechanism, they are weak with no fat to burn for energy, no energy to run from their predators, no food to eat when hungry. Basic terms to explain the same survival instinctual behavior would be to use their stored up energy that comes from their past instinctual survival mechanisms.

What happens if we try to look at the same camel compared to humans, not so much in the form and shape but in a sense of instincts, carrying humps on our backs?

Human: A human is a mammal, just like a camel that  has two eyes, big mouth, big head, big dreams, a vast amount of energy if they have learned to save it in their past. Unlike camels, humans do not look at humans’ bodies regularly and think what they do with camels. In case they happen to stare at their own bodies- because again unlike camels they learn about the mirror effects at the age of 4 (if I remember it right from my psych 101 classes), as humans get older they learn to look away from their own bodies. They rather stare at someone else’s body for a short span of time, only not to feel safe in their own skins. However, this is only a difference between the human and a camel at a very physical and at the same time a little psychological level. Although, it is a good way to compare the two animals, there is a rather more explaining, more eye opening as well as more relatable way.

A Camel to a Human Metaphor: Imagine a camel as a human being. The camel is walking in the vast endless wild desert by itself. To survive, the camel saves the food and holds fat in its humped back. Imagine a human as a camel. The human walks in the vast, endless looking, wild journey of life by himself/herself. To survive, the human saves all the information that had ever been taught, told, thought, experienced in early life to survive in the future as well as in the present. Nevertheless, both animals have to survive. 

Camels use their instinctual habits to survive in the physical sense, humans have to do it on both the physical level as well as psychological/ conscious level.  Your parents hurt you in the past? Now you know how to care less. Your significant other cheated on you? Now you know how not to be gullible to lies. Your career went down the drain? You are now in the process of discovery for a new better option. You got divorced? You now realize life is not all rainbows and sandwiches. More importantly, if you broke someone’s heart in the past or you lost track of your own healthy living style, you can learn from it  by facing the consequences to step into a new realm of you, stronger, wiser. 

WE DON’T HAVE TO CARRY YESTERDAY’S WORRY ON OUR BACKS.

What would a camel do if it made a simple mistake if lost a hump or two?Die from hunger, disease, or get eaten by a predator for that camel having no energy to run fast, be furious. 

If humans were camels, we would die everyday from the traumatic experiences we had to face in our past. Fortunately, we live to survive in both dimensions of life. 1- Our physical actions can be corrected. 2- Our conscious actions can be realized, and corrected. 3- One affects the other.

Don’t carry yesterday’s worries in your humps. Leave your humps in the past.  YOU ARE NOT A CAMEL! 

Let me know what you think about this post

Bathroom Diaries

Why is it so hard to have peace of mind? “No one said it would be easy”, said no one ever because everyone is motivating us to first put ourselves first then to be a nice, kind and helpful human being to those around us. What do all these successful millionaires want from us by giving us a speech about time, relationships and money besides asking for our money to purchase their books, seminars and such?

I do not know if you work at any sort of work that has to deal with people all day long, then go work on your own body and mind at the gym or any kind of sports or maybe even short yoga session to get even more tired so only then you can go home exhausted and have that peace of mind? But then, it is all ruined with one phone call, or an email that is telling you to do more work or maybe a guest/ friend/ parent that talks to you for hours to put all their weight on you so that they can finally sleep better since they did not work that same day?

Yes? Welcome to “No peace no mind only Bullshit Club” then. I am here with you joining you from New York. I cannot tell you how tired I am but still chasing the rainbows of my lonely serene nights hoping it will one day happen for me. I can see the rainbow at nights, right? In fact, I cannot even tell you where my only alone time takes place… You guessed it, bathrooms.

Bathrooms are the places where I am all alone. Bathrooms are the ones that I stand still- no phone calls, no texts, no small talks. Bathrooms are where every action of peace takes place for me. Bathrooms are quiet, peaceful and spacious. Forget about the peace between countries/ politicians and actors in those series you watch. Bathrooms are a mirror reflections of the Heavens. They are emojis that you want to use all the time, little hearts with open eyes.

One deep breath..

2

3

4

You are dead because while you are in the bathroom doing your overthinking someone had to knock on your door out of all the other ones that exist. Because just like the other ones, someone had to shit on your peace of mind- literally. You know the one that you are about to give up on. Don’t give up, don’t give in. If you take your time, they might leave. Oh, no bad news! They are waiting because none of the other bathrooms have any toilet papers left or maybe they are only occupied. Who gives a damn when you lose your own shit? Calm down, zipper up, face down, phone goes into your pocket.

Walk out of there. As one Iron Maiden song goes, ” Run to the hills! Run for your life'” Run out of the bathroom.

Wash hands. Check yourself in the mirror. Okay, you now look like the person whose serene life can handle everyone else’s toxic little world problems. Leave it all in the bathroom.. Great! Buckle up, get ready for all answers you have to give back to imply that you are listening,hmm, yea, oh yeahs and go. Good job, smile! 👏

If you are anything close to the edge of your own nerves go do your exercises to take it all out after work/ during lunch hour or even better right before you go home, which will only cause you to lose sleep once you arrive home because there is definitely that one person waiting impatiently to ruin your whole night, steal your time for yourself and lose your sleep. How long can you handle this? If there were a contest for people like you and I, I would not compete you because by the time I start, you or I will be giving ourselves out to someone else’s problems anyway, forgetting our own. Carry on like we do not have a life, trying to survive, trying to be the breadwinner for our little, hungry stomachs.

No matter what you do, please take your sweet time in the bathroom. Enjoy the peace of mind it brings to you, for it is the only place where you can achieve it.

Best Wishes,

Leafy