Once there was a man I knew who was a little taller, chubbier than the average man. The way he smiles every time had the power to take you to the moon and sad eyes that would bring you back to the earth. You would want to know so very badly what on earth would make such a man like him cry, cry in front of your eyes to say the least. That man had everything in his life you would think, by everything meaning a nice car, a beautiful two bedroom apartment, a cleaner lady who would smile all the time, a cat, a job. All the things all the other men around him would only wish for was what this man owned, except love.
This man had no one to love. Not one single pretty girl would fall for his beautiful smile. Not a girl he has met so far felt anything he had hoped and wished for. Not a soul he could catch, not even a little innocent glance. All he had was these things that he surrounded himself with. He had friends around him, too although he would categorize them into nice, nicer and bad ones. He had friends to whom he could talk to, chat with hours, text with anytime, stay over whenever he wanted to. His friends, however were not his love. He would not consider them as his love at no any level known to men.
He was a loner but an unseen one. He could talk for hours during the day, but he would get lost in his own silence at nights. He could count on so many people in his life, but not on his partner. Simply, because he did not have one. No one wanted to be his. He had for this reason tried alcohol only to punish himself more with the shadow side of it. He had his reason to become an addict but he got addicted to no one, no thing. Nothing was there to remind him that he had come along a long way since he was a little child. No one was there to tell him he got through all the dilemmas of the past. He broke so many chains on his own without being able go have a crown. He was always satisfied with his life. Nevertheless, life always pushed him around.
Now that he was old and lonely, he had decided to change things upside down. Running outside in bare foot has now become his new playground. Donating his best expensive suits had the effect of a shaking ground. He could have been leaving his legacy around before he died but he died in a hospital bed all alone.
I dedicate this to all the hard workers out there who belittle their own emotions to gain wealth.
I could make a list of traps for you not fall for but if I do, you never learn. I could also tell you what to-do and what not-to-do, again you would not learn. You would think you did and stop living, breathing maybe even loving. But listen, I am only I am because I have been who, with whom and where I have been to. My only truthful advice to you would be that. You have to live it.
Rest is time, money, memories, break-ups, salty tears, as well as hope, modernity of love, challenge to keep up with different type of people that are not up for the challenge like yourself, and maybe days to reminisce about. Me-mo…i..r. Let this be my memoir determined to share my hardcore, tough learned lessons.
Lesson 1- Don’t be scared to go for it.
Every relationship is there to teach you something. If you are about to get into a relationship that you are not sure about, go for it. If you never do, you will only regret you did not or think about the possibilities of it later on. Go for it. You can only know when you go for it. However, this is also one of the worst advice as well. To you it is the worst, to me it saves you time, both from your future regrets and blame games for not trying it now and the time that you would otherwise have been thinking about going for it or not.
Lesson 2- Make yourself visible
We all get it. You are busy, he is, she is busy, too. In this modern world, we are all bunch of busy people walking around to go places. Make that place, your destination. Make your destination your relationship. Take a walk, train, an Uber there. If YOU do not do it, one day someone else will. Make yourself visible to them, not hidden & online.
Lesson 3- Keep yourself from smelly environments.
Alcohol smells like alcohol. Trashcans smell like trash. A shaved and showered body smells like an invitation. Alcohol may or may not invite the wrong crowd to you but newly showered, beautifully moisturized body sure will get you who you want. Watch your smell, smell your crowd.
Lesson 4- Bikini Top Knitted Windproof ski pants
Make up your mind. For good or bad, there has to be some options you choose from. “Opportunity knocks only once”, they say but do not be fool enough to think this is the time to think about your one and only opportunity. Stop overthinking about it. What if it were not? What if it were? Find your ground, stand tall, dance under the rain and don’t worry about showering when you get inside. Enjoy the rain. Your tongue can catch one or two raindrops full of opportunities for you. Take the lead and make up your mind.
Lesson 5- If you are contemplating your own relationship, your friends will do, too.
Stop telling them everything. Listen to yourself. Listen to your heart. Then listen to your partner’s. Who knows maybe if you could keep your mouth shut for some time, your hearts could talk. Understand not everyone likes to talk and communicate like you. Stop complaining about your relationship to your friends all the time. Do it once in awhile. If you do it all the time what is the point of being in this relationship with your significant other anyways? You can’t even talk to your partner about anything. Don’t be a coward. Talk to your partner for better results. Keep friends out of this. Keep your friends close, but your partner closer.
Lesson 6- Amplify for a hopeful relationship
Sometimes we get hopeless if one little thing goes wrong when in a relationship. I was talking to my friend the other day and he told me that he never texted his date back again because he saw dirt in her one nail. :S I know! But hey he had no hopes from the beginning so he chose to go silent on that girl. HOWEVER, if you had hope in the beginning and you are still hoping that it HAS THE POTENTIAL to get better, then stop finding excuses to shut your partner up. Listen. Put their volume a little more higher than before. Hear it, hope to find a solution for it. Amplify the happiness along with the hopeful future that he or she might be able to give you someday.
Lesson 7- Seven is HEAVEN!
You either do ALL that there is to do to carry this relationship from one level to another or don’t, there is a HIGHER power above us all who/what knows everything better than you. Therefore, if after all the other six steps your relationship still sucks, take a deep breath and well, hope for the better. That is not to say your next one will be better. In fact, I can guarantee you that after dating someone for a long LONG time, the next one who comes is never enough. Yes, marvelous in the beginning yet will never beat your ex! (Unless you ex used to beat you or harm you in anyway. Because if you have to leave a relationship because of domestic violation and such, run as fast as you can. Do NOT look back.) But.. If that was not the case… then remember, the new person comes with his/ her own baggage.
Lesson 8- Relationships ATE me alive !
Good news: You are ALIVE! Bad news: You worry too much. Whether you are in a relationship or not, your focus determines your future. Focus on yourself. As one of my really awesome friend told me yesterday, ” You will be the one to see yourself in the mirror everyday. We need to take care of ourselves first. “
Last week, I came across a life changing message bombarded from everywhere, the heart chakra. From people telling me to listen to my heart to being given a tarot card from the most random person about the heart chakra to being told that gratitude’s wonderful return to the heart, and of course the question that is, ” What are you going to do on Valentine’s Day?”. You know forgive and love everyone type of talks were everywhere I unintentionally had been to.
To take away from it all I went to see a movie alone on Feb 8th, Friday. The plan was that it was going to be a scary movie where I would not have to hear the same conversation topic that was popular to bring up when with me, heart and chakras. As I was watching the movie, a friend showed up with some extra buttered popcorn so that I knew that I was loved. Oh, and the movie was okay yet to your surprise, it was about the love of this psychopath’s love for women’s hands. Yes, guess which movie. Love is in the air.-
They say, “Home is where your heart is.” Well… As a first glimpse of it all, I took the hardest way out to challenge myself. First step was to watch videos of course, then I moved on to talking to people who are more knowledgeable than me in this area- chakras, heart, loving, receiving, giving, spreading the love etc. I believe my heart is different than theirs, or as they told me,” there is no open doors left.” Luckily though, I could open the doors wide or cracked, if I chose to. Being the person that I am, I thought why not let all the keys of my heart loosen up a bit so some breeze of love might come right at it to knock, or simply just walk in. Just FYI, this is not a romantic love but as they point out,”the love of all. One love.”
Things took a quick left turn since I had decided to do everything to open my heart or call it the heart chakra. I lost one of the most valuable things to me in this life, our necklace that we inherit from one generation to another. Then, while trying to show love and gratitude to other people, I bought food for the people around me to make their days, they were all on a diet. I could hear myself talk not just to talk, but give motivation and inspiration to the ones around me. I tried to inspire, people kept repeating, ” I know.”
Then all of a sudden, a light bulb appeared on my head- not heart. In order to show love, I thought, what can possible be better than fresh smells of flowers, in which thought my actions followed. I made a big purchase to pamper someone I truly adore. I ordered a big bouquet of flower and shared a quote from that person’s favorite author. Epic another failure.
The company was a fraud. Flowers and the quote have never been delivered to this very day. Worse is, she really needed them while crying her heart out alone at home. I really just wanted her to be happy, feel the love around and receive yet more than that took place. Now my money is gone out the window, the customer service representatives are making me lose my mind, that person lost on being a little happier with the surprise of flowers, and as I am typing this with my heater in my place not working for the first time in a weather like this- a New York kind. Maybe if I look at my heater long enough, it would possibly work? Maybe if I open my heart chakra wide enough, the flowers would be delivered. Better yet, why am I trying so hard to make it all right? Is this something my heart wants me to do? I don’t feel so.
I do not personally understand why opening a heart chakra would make a person this miserable. Can it be that my heart is a dark and humid place where there can only be monsters and ghost stories take place? Could it be maybe that it is so used to my worst choices of not showing love and care that as soon as it’s opened, it has gained its power to its hysterical form from a pretentious high amount of sadness? Or, another theory would be that even though I work on my heart chakra, other people are not. The evil hearts are eating my little one? Because as they say, ” Big fish eats the small ones.”
I mean how much gratitude can our hearts handle if it all comes back to it in a form of rotten, broken or not delivered flowers or a lost very valuable jewelry? Are we really giving or giving up on love?