In a world where everything is planned for us since birth, living the life of a person who you thought you could be your future self one day is getting harder than ever. It’s as if you are wearing a turtle neck sweater from head to toe wondering why you are so damn hot and sweaty in the summer time. You wonder…you wonder… only to find yourself wondering again. Is it you or the weather just got hotter? Does it even matter at all since you look beautiful in every possible beauty standard of the eye.. the eye of the world.
Marriage can be one of the many examples to define the feeling in this world filled with full of sunshine without any skin showing. Are you getting tanned if you wear a lighter color? Questions follow questions just like how we follow our deep, sensible yet undesired thoughts over and over. The unexpectancy of the future holds you in her arms while the expectancy of getting married drops you off of the highest mountains down to the cold, dispassionate highways where the trucks run you over. Do you jump or desire? Do you agree or live on your own? Do you live normally like everyone else or do you simply choose to stay single?
Married…or not to get married.. that is where the life starts while it also comes to its end. The highest mountains in the mirrors of your room had seen you before decide to turn into little keyholes leading you to the city lights, bright happy dreams for your future. You stay at that door to wait for the day you finally go back to those high scenic mountains again that is where you came from.
Where there are laid eggs tells you where the chickens had been.
Where you put your head at night can tell you where you choose to stay in. Where there was no hope once before can tell you what you are the most hopeful for today.
Obvious things are not needed to be hidden because they are obviously maybe even pleasantly existing out in the sun as well as when it rains. Trees do not hide in their roots when there is a blizzard outside.
I did not mean to be very abstract while writing about this piece, yet the idea of marriage, the feelings I have held inside for so long cannot stop me from being as abstract as the idea of marriage itself.
You are married. You have found your husband or wife, killed two birds with one stone to have a partner to your crimes. You have kids to take care of now, a commonly shared budget at home, home becomes the place where the arguments fill in the blanks instead of the words of affirmations. All those good times turn out to be long waits for the days to be over so that it is the nighttime to think with constant deep breaths and with a peace of mind.
Questioning the real definition of love becomes a hobby as the night falls, because if marrying someone is finally finding “the one”, then why do you love the lady who helps you get your coffee every morning, the guy who remembers your name at the office, the friend who checks on you to see if you need anything, your parents who support you unconditionally, the random person who opens the door for you, the famous painter who paints your dreams, and your kids who are not even born yet? What does choosing the one over all the others literally mean? You choose one person to appreciate every day, to look in the eye, to say hello and simple good bye, wish well, to cherish but ignore the others. This cannot be it. You choose the one because you want your kids to be like him or her, but if this was the case then we should have married all the boys and girls we had innocent crushes on in the past. This certainly cannot be it, either.
You throw one stone, one bouquet of flowers to kill two birds with it for you are now not only a husband and wife, but a dad and a wife. Life starts for your kids where you choose to leave the stage to them. Lights go off so they can shine brightly. Perhaps, not all is that melancholy but it must be fun to get married, be married, stay in a marriage, raise kids and to see everyone you are familiar with grow in one big happy family. Perhaps, marriage is the light in the darkest times to kill the loneliness along with the unanswered questions you have held onto in your mind. Had it been only one thing, it would not have been the one to simply identify.
Marriage is hopeful until it gets hopeless.
It is a key to the most wonderous adventures of a lifetime until you are locked out of it.
It is the time to connect the dots until the dots become one big picture that was not there when you had begun.
Marriage is a way until it is a dead end street.
Perhaps, marriage is a sense of security until the alarms go off to tell you that you have lost all your serenity.
_To be continued_