The Choice is Yours

One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.

Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.

One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.

Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.

Camel

Camel: Camel is an animal that seems like a very basic mammal with four legs, two eyes, big lips, and humped backs. When you look at a camel it is inevitable to look away. You want to examine this creature to understand what he is carrying on his back. Are those all necessary? It is not easy to escape your brain powers to relate to this animal to your own human self, at least not at a physical level. How about if we use camel humps as a metaphor of our past relationships, happy memories, mistakes, childhood, regrets, well-made decisions?

Let me explain.

Camels depending on their types have one or two humps on their backs. No matter how many humps they own on their backs, a camel carries its humps everywhere. Camels walk around with their humps on their backs.The humps store food and fat in them, meaning they carry their energy on their backs. Food and fat become energy in the future and present. If a camel forgets to store food and fat-which I am sure is not a common thing along camels due to their survival mechanism, they are weak with no fat to burn for energy, no energy to run from their predators, no food to eat when hungry. Basic terms to explain the same survival instinctual behavior would be to use their stored up energy that comes from their past instinctual survival mechanisms.

What happens if we try to look at the same camel compared to humans, not so much in the form and shape but in a sense of instincts, carrying humps on our backs?

Human: A human is a mammal, just like a camel that  has two eyes, big mouth, big head, big dreams, a vast amount of energy if they have learned to save it in their past. Unlike camels, humans do not look at humans’ bodies regularly and think what they do with camels. In case they happen to stare at their own bodies- because again unlike camels they learn about the mirror effects at the age of 4 (if I remember it right from my psych 101 classes), as humans get older they learn to look away from their own bodies. They rather stare at someone else’s body for a short span of time, only not to feel safe in their own skins. However, this is only a difference between the human and a camel at a very physical and at the same time a little psychological level. Although, it is a good way to compare the two animals, there is a rather more explaining, more eye opening as well as more relatable way.

A Camel to a Human Metaphor: Imagine a camel as a human being. The camel is walking in the vast endless wild desert by itself. To survive, the camel saves the food and holds fat in its humped back. Imagine a human as a camel. The human walks in the vast, endless looking, wild journey of life by himself/herself. To survive, the human saves all the information that had ever been taught, told, thought, experienced in early life to survive in the future as well as in the present. Nevertheless, both animals have to survive. 

Camels use their instinctual habits to survive in the physical sense, humans have to do it on both the physical level as well as psychological/ conscious level.  Your parents hurt you in the past? Now you know how to care less. Your significant other cheated on you? Now you know how not to be gullible to lies. Your career went down the drain? You are now in the process of discovery for a new better option. You got divorced? You now realize life is not all rainbows and sandwiches. More importantly, if you broke someone’s heart in the past or you lost track of your own healthy living style, you can learn from it  by facing the consequences to step into a new realm of you, stronger, wiser. 

WE DON’T HAVE TO CARRY YESTERDAY’S WORRY ON OUR BACKS.

What would a camel do if it made a simple mistake if lost a hump or two?Die from hunger, disease, or get eaten by a predator for that camel having no energy to run fast, be furious. 

If humans were camels, we would die everyday from the traumatic experiences we had to face in our past. Fortunately, we live to survive in both dimensions of life. 1- Our physical actions can be corrected. 2- Our conscious actions can be realized, and corrected. 3- One affects the other.

Don’t carry yesterday’s worries in your humps. Leave your humps in the past.  YOU ARE NOT A CAMEL! 

Let me know what you think about this post

Snowboard to Surf? No. Those are just tools to get to your location, freedom.

Surfing?

Have you ever tried surfing? I have not. Sometimes, I think about how it must feel like. Water, salt, sand all over you but you are only focused on being in balance physically on your surfboard. On the other hand, it must taste, feel, smell like freedom to stand on that same surfboard to oversee the sea, sand and the passing people when surfing. Do you ever want to try it? I’d like to.

Is it not a similar feeling to be alive in times like these. There are people who believe to share their lights with others, some steal the lights, some take it and run away, some cannot see it, and some share too much light they end up torn. Balance, I guess is the key, just like surfing. You can only see what is around you once you are on your surfboard to go against the waves, when you are balanced finally.

The realization here however, is not to surf but to “surf”. Surely, it is not something that will just happen to me or you instantly while sleeping in the sound of these strong winds of the East Coast. In fact, it will sure not happen to me when I sleep in my warm bed when the weather in New York drops to 9 degrees. Surfers have red face because of the sun, in New York our faces get red because we almost freeze. It is hard to learn surfing here while almost everyone is feeling “under the weather”. Where did I put my flip flops? I meant my snow boots.

So how can a person take up surfing when they in reality cannot? Easy to answer, hard to digest. They cannot. On the contrary, it does not have to be that way. Take the sand, the sea, the surfboard out of the picture and replace them with snow, snowboard, and the moonlight. There you have a new, awesome sport where you can feel free again. What I mean, metaphorically at least trying to say here is that if, in New York we do not have the privilege to surf, we have alternatives. We can, no matter how still reach to the same stars under the same moon light to smell the liberty of the soul, freedom. As long as we know how to flow we sure will go skiing in a place called, upstate? ~Location is not that important here, so do not pay too much attention to it.~

Life gives you this, give life that. Life gets tough we know. We are always facing decisions. Decisions can be made on paper. Decisions can be made in one’s head. Decisions take place here, then there. Decisions. Decisions. More decisions. It sure gets heavy on us. Decisions everywhere we look. Your phone, his laptop, her outfit, his decisions, their attitude, salary, new opportunities, possibilities, responsibilities. Goddamn these decisions. Where did the light go? This onion is a strong one here. Cut the onion and now, touch your eyes. It was a decision of mine that I wanted to share. Onions and paprika can be killers. Try jalapeno, maybe?

All we have to do is to make small or big, sometimes no decisions. How to make decisions? First, know that you are about to make a decision to surf or snowboard. Secondly, you will face the challenges of the weather, crowd, waves, maybe at times snow angels, but decide from the beginning that you are doing all that to get the taste of freedom. You can’t? Then, try biking. Decide what you want at the end, not how your process will be. After all, all surfers take showers to get rid off the sand, snowboards spread snow on other people and bikers get stuck in traffic. It is all good. Go with the flow to feel the breeze of that free, salty, sweet self of you.

Snowboarding? I have never tried it before. Just joking.