The Choice is Yours

One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.

Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.

One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.

Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.

Small Talks Got Smaller- Luckily there is one more left

Photo by Giuseppe Argenziano on Unsplash

Small talk is a way of greeting people with a simple “Hi!”, “Hello!” and to ask some questions to show your interest in the other person or people. There happens to be specific topics such as the weather, interests in the same brands of cars the person is driving, or an article of clothing the other person is wearing and you like, food/ restaurants, traffic etc.

There are also topics that are a No-No topics while having a small talk, such as age, ethnicity/ race, salary, religion, gender, even family at times. Family is not a good small talk topic due to the fact that not everybody has one great family! It is a very sensitive topic for a lot of people. I remember asking someone why they were not excited about father’s day as a joke, only to find out his father disowned him. It felt like a great mistake to start a conversation, which in fact was one.

These are great points to have a small talk with someone, or was. After corona who knew it was all going to change and be gone? Funny how we all took all the topics to make small talks for granted. It is time we find ourselves new topics to have that small talk, but how?

What is there to talk about the weather? It comes and it goes. The rain leaves its dark clouds to the bright sunshine until comes the wind with the cold weather. Oh these summer nights feeling like a day in the winter! If the weather is not there to talk about, then what is?

Bills, bills, bills… All you want to talk about is the bills, but not really. Who wants to talk about bills? C’mon! You have to pay your bills, but that does not make it a hot topic in a small convo, no. So, if not the weather, not the bills you gotta pay, what else is there to talk about? Not everybody has a kid, nor cars, nor any interest in finding a new home to move in. What is there to mention in a casual conversation after corona left us under the truck?

Food, drinks, cocktails, fashion, books, healthy living and fitness used to be the topics for some people for sure… that is before this corona hit us all. No one seems to care about anyone’s expensive shoes that are not affordable in today’s economy. Who even creates sneakers that are more expensive than the unemployment money that the government is about to stop paying? Please don’t. What is there to talk about, then?

Traffic is not even that bad anymore to get pissed! If you can’t get mad at the people in traffic to complain about it for hours to someone who happened to take the subway, what is going to make you mad so that you can talk about it, complain about it, have a conversation about it? Definitely, not the traffic anymore. What is it then that you can tell someone? Can it be the conspiracy theories you have been searching about? Hell no! No one believes in conspiracy theories. People might think you are gone crazy! In that case… what is there to have a small talk about?

How about the latest TV shows you have recently caught up with? It sounds innocently nice but in reality, not so much because there is a big risk that comes with it. What if the other person has no idea what you are talking about, then what? You have guessed it right! Love, relationships, break ups, dating stories, dating apps, disasters as well as the blessings of dating. You would think corona would stop everyone from talking about dating, you were wrong. Love is the only thing that people can’t and won’t ever stop talking about no matter what virus takes over one’s body. The mind does not work together with the heart. The heart wants what it wants. The mind stays intact. Since love comes in a package full of heart breaks, disastrous stories to tell, and a life long damages to repair, it consists of hatred as well.

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Not everyone can control the weather, or the economy, or the traffic but everyone can write their own love story to tell someone, someday. Let your heart wonder in the hills of those lovely fields of dating, destruction, pleasure, hate and love, where it runs up and down while your mind checks your pulse to survive the next disasters. Here is a topic to talk about at all times, for all your small talks with people you know, love. Love. Love of music, artists, life, flowers, programs, learning, living, life, anything and anyone at no cost.

EVERYONE HATES NEW YORK- (Doomsday Edition)

Nowadays, we can’t help but notice that the end is near. Maybe it is the online algorithms, maybe there are more than ever a number of preppers, maybe youtubers find this topic related to everyone’s personal life. Perhaps though as we get older we all get even more eerie of what the years ahead of us  might bring us by looking at only the year 2020. We don’t necessarily emphasize the doomsdays based on our personal beliefs, but from what has been going around- online or printed- kind of made it the whole point  in every website you click, every marketing strategy you see, every subway you take in New York City. You cannot ignore it because it is right in front of your eyes. You cannot escape from seeing it, because people on the subways make sure to put prayer cards and doomsday scenarios on every single seat for everyone. What do you do? Before you take a seat, you pick up that paper to read one of the below, 

*The end is coming *These are the end times *Pray for your end  *Pray *Read your bible *Jesus is back *Jesus is coming back soon *Say your last prayers 

And believe, you shall not be disappointed that there are many, many countless cards as such that you encounter on a daily basis. There are also cards left with phone numbers, waiting for you to call so that you are no more a sinner but a survivor. There are ads telling you to cover your mouth in a proper way when wearing a mask, right underneath you find your prayer cards, notes, scribbles, doodles and such without knowing who placed it there. But, that is not the point in this article. The end days might as well be coming or not, that is still unknown. From looking at some apps on your phones such as Citizens, social media accounts, news outlets, public speakers, discussions on the current economics/ stock market/ finance world, you can easily tell, it is not going well at the moment. 

Since all this has been made visible for everyone to read all this online, watch on everyone’s storyline, social media page, this article will not cover any of that. Rather than the current situations we are facing, there is one particularly bitter one that you will be reading in the following, if you choose to keep reading. 

New York! What a city majority of people have lately become so afraid of, hatred towards, hopeless for. What a city nowadays where no hope can be found in the streets where once glowed with fashion icons, street photographers, and most precious pigeons. It used to be crowded with tourists from all over the world. Most importantly, whoever made it to New York once, could make it to anywhere at any time no matter how late due to all those subway delays. Even the interns were forgiven for taking the subway, facing seemingly endless delays. How exhausted it got in New York at times that you could  see a subway car full of people sleeping their days away on each other’s shoulders during rush hours, sharing the tiresome visions of their pasts as well as their future. How hopeful at times people got by attending small gatherings at public places such as Bryant Park’s free concerts, Brooklyn’s fine outdoor concerts, city’s bright Times Square, discounted tattoo shops by world’s most famous tattoo artists, skater parks, pets’ playgrounds, museums’ free wide open doors, bikers’ paradise. It got very hopeful in those little short times, indeed. 

No matter how many angry people you came across back in the day, one person, one situation, just one nice gesture would make you forget about it in no time. New York was the one where everyone wanted to be without actually going through the hardship of it, yet only a few chosen millionaires made it to that level, and the rest lived through those hardships believing one day they could make it, too. They wished they could finally make it to a new apartment where they would live with less than five people in one room, maybe a new room where the landlord didn’t charge $200 extra for a mirror on the back of their door. Some people had so many high hopes that they believed if they worked hard enough they could afford being a vegan one day, going out dining well in those all lightened up places. Some people came to New York to freshen up their memories with their partners, maybe to marry in New York some day, find a great venue that was affordable at the same time. Some couples just visited New York to cross it off from their bucket lists, some even chose to move here with or without a job at hand. All that people had in New York (once upon a time) was hope. Because in New York you could eat at the same restaurant with a top executive, a millionaire, movie star. In New York, you could be alone but never hopeless that one day you could find your best friend. Diversity was New York’s middle name. You could eat any food from anywhere around the world. You could hear all sorts of languages, accents every time someone opened their mouth to speak. Once you lived in New York, you were accustomed to all sorts of cultural differences, moralities, variety in those dining etiquettes, common morals and such manners. 

People never understood  angry words, anxious decisions, silent tears that they witnessed in New York. They never even questioned any of such because in their knowledge there existed none. However, if we happen to think hard why a person from New York gets frustrated easily it may not even be their personality at all, but their surrounding environment where it is hard to make money that is spent easily, hard to make a living with people who never gave you credits, hard to make friends where none existed, and mostly, hard to make a living where you constantly saw high homeless people around. Ask a resident of New York, how many times they got jumped  for no reason, they would start counting their fingers. Ask a New Yorker family, how many times they had to skip buying meat, because they had to pay their rent for the time being. Ask any person in New York if they mind what kind of a job they do to have that extra income, none would say “No.”, even though they have their master degrees, training, knowledge and skills in something completely  different. No one cared what they did as a job as long as they made it for the time being in New York. When other people planted their gardens with beautiful plants, fruits and lemon trees, residents in New York shed tears in their small studio apartments praying for a roommate to share their room with to reduce the expenses, forget about a backyard lemon tree dreams. 

None of the above is to say New York is a place to live or that it is not. Just like everywhere in the whole entire world, it is nonetheless a place to live. It is not only occupied by the rich because the rich you see come visit New York City rather than living in New York City for a long period of time. They come but they go quickly. Homeless lives in New York, true. However, people who try their best to survive also live in New York. Warriors such as dads, brothers, mothers who try to give their family the best that they can live in New York City. They work day and night to feed their family, wifes, kids, girlfriends, dreams. Some young people find one day of going out as a punishment to their budget, expenses, life, being, so they stop going out at all costs and stay indoors hoping to make ends meet. Some go out all the time just to avoid their crowded rooms, their home where they eventually have to fall asleep. Some hurt other people, but in New York people protect people, too just like anywhere else we witness around the world.

This article is not completely about people in New York, nor the types of certain people who choose to live there. This article is to avoid people who believe the end is near and everyone in New York should die. The last couple of weeks, under almost every Youtube video there are lots of people shitting on New York. Some even dare to say they cannot wait for this city to be buried under the ground let alone the end of the times. There are a lot of comments under any video that is related to New York wishing New Yorkers nothing good but all the bad possible outcomes. This city has never been a safe haven, neither will it ever be, who knows. If you try to search any video with the “city”, “prepare”, “doomsday” in the same search box, and click on any that is related to New York, all hopes for people who live in New York City go down the drain, simply because there is none. Not to be negative in any way, but there is no given solution to any disaster that might one day take place in New York. None of the youtubers mention it. When it comes to giving advice for New Yorkers, all they say is to move out of the city asap. As that is not enough, people in the comment sections imply that New York City and its people deserve all the worst things possible. What are they forgetting? They are forgetting that there are families here, elderly people who need constant help, animal shelters, animals in general, nurses, electricians, plumbers, students, houses, husbands, uncles, wives, grandmas, dads, aunties, best friends, just like in other places around the world. Not everyone is rich in New York. If anything, it is the island of hopeless dreamers, romantics. 

When a person from New York tells you something straight up to your face instead of lying to you, their intentions may not always be to worry you but to warn you for next time, to teach you what they know, to linger ideas, exchange what is known by each person, and to learn from you as well. Is it better to be fake and lie, or honest? We all know people will keep saying what they have been saying about New York City, but hopefully  next time they remember that New York City is just like any other place around the world where families try to unite, friends share, lonely people live alone, elderly still needs help, babies are born, animals in shelters still try to find their home, people strive to survive. Nothing is as it seems in the media just like how New York City is not only made out of Times and Statue of Liberty. Think about it. In order to see the Statue of Liberty, even a long time resident in New York has to hop in that same subway line, then walk the same way, then take the ferry to travel to the lonely island called Ellis. To finish it with a positive message, please don’t take anything for granted. No matter what, when, how something happens, life is still made out of small moments. Nothing should be dictated by anyone’s current living situation. Surely, there are great people who would do anything to help in case if anything goes badly anywhere for anyone, always. There exist as many bad people as good ones, too. 

“If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal. [Commencement Address at American University, June 10 1963]”- John F. Kennedy

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