Meet Me in the Middle

Photo by Ozan Safak on Unsplash

because I respect you as you respect me, too

Many people believe in things that do not make any sense, such as sleeping with or without their socks on. Same fruitful event yet different approaches make it seem like a legitimate interdimensional difference in one’s world. How we sleep affects the way we wake I guess, or the dreams we have. Not long ago, I have figured everyone had a different approach to things, not only sleep but things in general. You might tend to think waking up early is the best way to approach to life yet your neighbor might get more things done than you do even when he or she wakes up later than you.

It is sometimes a given fact that a person who gets done more ends the day well, hence sleep well. However, here you get yet another slap on your face by another thought-provoking opposite idea, what if someone who gets more things done in a day who also wakes up late – that is very not the type of thing you can accept- fails to finish all the chorus with couple of mistakes here and there? Now we have three questions in total so far.

1- Who gets up early?
2- Who gets more things done regardless of what time the parties wake up?
3- Who gets more things done better than the other regardless of what time the other party wakes up and how many things they get done?

I hope you can see how everyone can approach this differently. When one can confidently think waking up the earliest is the most important, another can get all the work faster. How about the third one who gets everything done peeerfectly? Each on his own, for sure. This is absolutely not an article to discuss which one is the most important. This is an article to raise at least a little bit of an awareness about how people differ among their own natures. We cannot expect everyone to think the same because no one is the same. No one, absolutely no one had the same childhood, neither has everyone grown up in the same family or have been to same places at the same time. Not everyone will be exactly the same person who has learned and applied the same values, love, approach and respect to the same things as you do. Please, understand this. Write it in your soul. Tattoo it on your skin. If we all cared about the same exact things as everyone else around us, we would all be robots. You are not a robot, just like how your neighbors are not robots, or your co-workers, friends, family members, classmates are not robots. We might be getting more robotic, true but we still have our own personal past memories where the line has been drawn in certain things and acts.

Sure we would love to see someone who cares the about the environment as much as you do, yet the truth is that is all a fantasy. Think about it, no one has the same tongue. The shapes and all are all different. You might taste the same orange but what difference does it make if you are both tasting that orange differently? Are you on the same page? Never 100%. Some people see the dress in gold, some pink, some blue. Can you change that? No. You love animals to a point where you would die to save one animal while some people hate those same animals that you care so deeply for. I believe that is where the term, ethics can help us. Ethics can help us in a way to get along with each other in a society with some certain basic laws. If your heart is broken by someone who does not care about your relationship as much as you did, you cannot blame that person one hundred percent. You do not know what kind of a devastating last break up that person had gone through. You do not even know that person’s strengths and weaknesses that are never truly shown. Relationships, partnerships, family relations, they are all the same.

Take a look at psychology. Everyone faces their past to fix their future mistakes or at least to minimize them. Take a look at astrology. If your Saturn is in your fourth house and meets Uranus at some certain angle where it is also affected by the angle of Mars in YOUR chart, you get a divorce. Don’t compare yourself to your friends. Your chart is different, just like your past, so will be your future.
Take a look at someone’s educational background, lost pets, daily routines, daily dosage of good new and bad news they get or do not get. You can’t be them. They cannot understand you fully. You are you, they are them. When I lost my job one rainy day, after crying for hours over it, I took the train to go back home to do some more crying and thinking. There were all these dancers on the same cart as mine who were performorming for everyone there to collect money. As much as I wanted to appreciate their happy vibes, I was just not on the same level with them. I did not have to be in any way. One of them got very pissed at me for not watching them only to yell at me more, put me down more, curse at my face. He almost hit me for not watching them. I on the other hand had had so much for that day, I could not participate in his freak show aggression against me in public. I reminded myself over and over again, he did not just get fired from his one and only job, I did. Look, he did not even ask me if I was having a good day. All he expected from me was for me to watch him perform his dance and spare change. What he did not realize was that I could bet he had more money than me at the time. We were different. I did not expect him to understand me, so I let it go. He wanted so desperately for me to understand him, so he stuck his nose in my life. He got angry, I had zero emotions for his overreacting act of playing it cool in public.

Here, it is not about accepting and forgiving a person, no. Because if and as you do that, you give a piece of yourself, your thoughts, your attention and time to that particular person. Instead, turn to yourself to understand yourself. If the other person wants to understand you as well, then all the doors of the universal love opens up. The force becomes the love and mutual understanding. Only then, only by telling and listening both parties can see how different they are from each other. It does not matter what color of socks you sleep in as long as you are responsible enough to get what you need to get done for the day. I believe by taking responsibility for your own actions, respecting the others, there is no mountain you cannot hike. Every action has a reaction. Listen to your words, read your own chart, others will follow with their own. Imagine a world where everyone meets in the middle. 🙂

The Choice is Yours

One day you are in, one day you are out of yet another person’s life. It is a devastating feeling to be apart at first, no doubt, but if you do it as fast as possible, as carelessly and less analytically as possible you are out of it without any shots going through your heart, or is that so? Majority of the therapists would not think so due to the long and hard-earned reasons of the science of psychology overall. For instance, in theory you DO need to take your time to ACCEPT the fact that you are out of someone’s life. You DO have to be very analytical over the subject to get your head around the “fact” that it had NOTHING to do with you. Some would say, see it, don’t fight it and still accept it. Now, that must not be easy to do so, accepting. Would you accept someone if they knowingly hurt, say a kid who wanted a toy but ended up getting a good half an hour cry for not getting it? I don’t think that was a great example for the fact being kids should not be allowed to get everything they want anyways.

Try this next example to see if you would be able to accept a problem that was caused by someone else upon your life. Think about a friend who borrowed your most favorite outfit. If your friend never dares to bring it back to you, or even say a thank you for letting him or her borrow your personal favorite article of clothing, would you simply look at this situation to SEE it, ANALYZE it only to ACCEPT it? Would you say, “I don’t mind if my friend does not care about my own values. I don’t blame this on my friend. I accept the situation. Great! Let me live my life peacefully now.”? NO! If you never point out to your friend what he/ she did wrong to you, how can you expect the next time to get any better? Just like that, seeing, believing, and accepting traumas do not solve the damage that has being done on you.

One person in, one is out. People let us in because they want to. It is as simple as your own name to you. Following the best times come the bad timings, ugly words, wrong choices, awkwardly quiet conversations. One day you are having the best conversation of a lifetime, one day the same person chooses his or her words carefully. So carefully in fact, you want to vomit out of boredom yet this is the same person who also has given you the best times, too.

Humble solutions can solve situations like these at times. For example, instead of accepting we have yet another choice laid right in front of our eyes, solve it. How? By talking about what bothers you, mentioning about the points that make you uncomfortable, discussing what went wrong where and when exactly. This ultimate solving mentality causes a person not only to realize the situation, but to solve it too. Imagine the next scenario. Someone used a trigger word with you. Talk about it, realize why it bothered you. Instead of creating problems, always remember your other option is to solve an existing problem and destroy it. The choice is yours, truly.

Contemporary Marriage Deliberation- p.1

Photo by REZ on Unsplash

In a world where everything is planned for us since birth, living the life of a person who you thought you could be your future self one day is getting harder than ever. It’s as if you are wearing a turtle neck sweater from head to toe wondering why you are so damn hot and sweaty in the summer time. You wonder…you wonder… only to find yourself wondering again. Is it you or the weather just got hotter? Does it even matter at all since you look beautiful in every possible beauty standard of the eye.. the eye of the world.

Marriage can be one of the many examples to define the feeling in this world filled with full of sunshine without any skin showing. Are you getting tanned if you wear a lighter color? Questions follow questions just like how we follow our deep, sensible yet undesired thoughts over and over. The unexpectancy of the future holds you in her arms while the expectancy of getting married drops you off of the highest mountains down to the cold, dispassionate highways where the trucks run you over. Do you jump or desire? Do you agree or live on your own? Do you live normally like everyone else or do you simply choose to stay single?

Married…or not to get married.. that is where the life starts while it also comes to its end. The highest mountains in the mirrors of your room had seen you before decide to turn into little keyholes leading you to the city lights, bright happy dreams for your future. You stay at that door to wait for the day you finally go back to those high scenic mountains again that is where you came from.
Where there are laid eggs tells you where the chickens had been.
Where you put your head at night can tell you where you choose to stay in. Where there was no hope once before can tell you what you are the most hopeful for today.

Obvious things are not needed to be hidden because they are obviously maybe even pleasantly existing out in the sun as well as when it rains. Trees do not hide in their roots when there is a blizzard outside.

I did not mean to be very abstract while writing about this piece, yet the idea of marriage, the feelings I have held inside for so long cannot stop me from being as abstract as the idea of marriage itself.

You are married. You have found your husband or wife, killed two birds with one stone to have a partner to your crimes. You have kids to take care of now, a commonly shared budget at home, home becomes the place where the arguments fill in the blanks instead of the words of affirmations. All those good times turn out to be long waits for the days to be over so that it is the nighttime to think with constant deep breaths and with a peace of mind.

Questioning the real definition of love becomes a hobby as the night falls, because if marrying someone is finally finding “the one”, then why do you love the lady who helps you get your coffee every morning, the guy who remembers your name at the office, the friend who checks on you to see if you need anything, your parents who support you unconditionally, the random person who opens the door for you, the famous painter who paints your dreams, and your kids who are not even born yet? What does choosing the one over all the others literally mean? You choose one person to appreciate every day, to look in the eye, to say hello and simple good bye, wish well, to cherish but ignore the others. This cannot be it. You choose the one because you want your kids to be like him or her, but if this was the case then we should have married all the boys and girls we had innocent crushes on in the past. This certainly cannot be it, either.

You throw one stone, one bouquet of flowers to kill two birds with it for you are now not only a husband and wife, but a dad and a wife. Life starts for your kids where you choose to leave the stage to them. Lights go off so they can shine brightly. Perhaps, not all is that melancholy but it must be fun to get married, be married, stay in a marriage, raise kids and to see everyone you are familiar with grow in one big happy family. Perhaps, marriage is the light in the darkest times to kill the loneliness along with the unanswered questions you have held onto in your mind. Had it been only one thing, it would not have been the one to simply identify.

Marriage is hopeful until it gets hopeless.
It is a key to the most wonderous adventures of a lifetime until you are locked out of it.
It is the time to connect the dots until the dots become one big picture that was not there when you had begun.
Marriage is a way until it is a dead end street.
Perhaps, marriage is a sense of security until the alarms go off to tell you that you have lost all your serenity.

_To be continued_